I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
