i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
