Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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