All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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