she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
