I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
