I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
