His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
