She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
