You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
