What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
