I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
