are you still at the devil's house?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
