very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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