Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
