Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
