apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Everyone says I win the strip club
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
