i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
