R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
