you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
