She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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