the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
