you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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