I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
