just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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