By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
