the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
