I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
