I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
