better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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