You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
