she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
