You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
