I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
