normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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