It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
