Who did Billy Mays play for?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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