dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
