SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
