apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
