Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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