I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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