She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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