I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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