i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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