Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
