i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
