I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We need a shit load of segways right now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
