she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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