she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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