before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
