Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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