I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just invented taco cereal.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
