At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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