my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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